Huge shifts have been happening in my life & Im learning a lot! Learning lessons isn’t exactly all lollipops and unicorns though so it’s been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster the last few months-and there’s nothing wrong with that either. However, I am stepping into a more stable way of being & learning emotional intelligence. In all my self-discovery, I’ve started to understand how I’d like to create my life and it feels really great every time I make a choice in alignment with that vision! My therapist has been a great help in encouraging me to take action! I’ve been doing very well setting boundaries and it’s been challenging. Every time I set a boundary it gets easier though & it’s just so empowering! To know that I’m taking responsibility for my life-like damn. That feels good.
I’ve let go of one of my jobs that just wasn’t serving me. That felt really good. I hesitated for a while and then gave a months notice but I finally did it. Emailing in my official notice gave me a lot of anxiety but once I did it, I felt so much better. It also gave me the encouragement to set boundaries in other areas of my life, like with friendships that became unhealthy. Just from those two choices, my quality of life has skyrocketed. It also opened space for booking more gigs & developing or strengthening other healthy relationships in my life!
I’ve also been reassessing where I’m spending my time & dedicating my focus. Collaborating is a process that benefits all parties involved & I’ve found that sometimes I agree to collaborate on projects that actually don’t match any of my goals. That doesn’t make any sense. I loveee collaborating. I think it’s a fantastic way to make beautiful art but I need to be clear with myself and others about the image I’m trying to portray. What is my brand? I’m a cute, fun, loving, natural beauty, peppy, Southern hospitality & intersectional environmentalism kinda gal. I don’t need a bunch of sexy pics of myself because that’s not exactly what I’m trying to promote. I am sexy and gorgeous but I don’t need to create more content about how sexy I am-thats just not my brand. Eventually I might want some more to expand my portfolio, but I think I’m going to very particular about building that in & it’s not a priority right now.
My focus right now, first and foremost, is my mental health. I have an “ideal routine” that I aspire towards-and I strive for everyday. Some of my days have been consumed by family drama, some of my days have been consumed by own experience of being overwhelmed, and I’ve accepted the fact that some days I don’t accomplish every single thing I’d like to. However, I’m looking at where my time goes and choosing if I want I still want that in my life. Family is important to me, but drama is not. Most of my days are positive, uplifting, productive, encouraging & fun. I’m allowing myself to enjoy my time with my fiancé, friends, connecting with family, creating passion projects, living minimally & resourcefully, seeking paid work that aligns with my values & improving a little bit every day.
Next summer John and I will be moving to his next station! This has been a slightly stressful-turned-exciting attempt at processing that for me. For a while, he was going to try to get an extension on his boat in San Pedro but now it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. Honestly, I’m ready to leave LA, so I think that was meant to be. We looked at the job opportunities that would be best for his career & it actually looks like we might wind up back in Florida! That’s pretty exciting!!! We won’t know for sure know where we’re going until Feb/March & then we move in June-ish, but it would be nice to be close to family again! I also have a lot of really good friends in Florida that I’m looking forward to hanging out with again & I’m ready for my warm FL beaches.
This also means that we’re pushing back the wedding. Originally, getting engaged in January, we were looking to have our wedding next May in the Redwoods. If we’re going to be in Florida next June, it doesn’t make sense to have everyone fly out here in May. Also, we’re not trying to rush the wedding while Covid-19 is still doing it’s thing. It means more to us that we have everyone we want there-even if it means pushing it back another year or two. My heart sank at the thought of not having my fantasy fairytale Redwoods wedding but one of our friends suggested the idea that we still have a little romantic weekend up there and take engagement photos! I absolutely love that idea so we’re going to shoot for that in Nov/Dec & we’ll get that little winter wonderland experience too!
If we do wind up in Florida, I could work the Orlando/Miami/Atlanta markets for modeling and acting but I’m not sure if I want that to be the main focus of my career anymore. A big move like that might open up new opportunities in various industries that also interest me so I’m keeping my eyes, ears, & heart open! I’ve also been working on my own projects so I can continue those wherever we wind up!
I started a shop a Depop to sell some of the excess clothing I’ve acquired which has been pretty exciting! I’ve got a podcast under development as well-Love, Earthlings which is going to be a like positive news outlet & talk show chatting with unique individuals and discussing their passions/contributions to the world! I’ve been working on some amazing collab sessions with Carrie-I’ll have a new blog about recent work with her soon! I’ve still been booking some modeling & acting work but I’ve really been considering the weight of promoting things you don’t really know anything about. I’ve been shooting out applications to businesses that promote my kind of ideal lifestyle or nonprofits that benefit our community. I’d also like to start volunteering soon! John and I want to help socialize local orphan dogs at Long Beach Animal Services. Hopefully that’ll satisfy our want for another pup.
I have a lot to look forward to! I’m really happy at where I’m at in life right now & I’m very excited for everything I’ve been manifesting! I’m very blessed and grateful for happiness & health for me & all my friends and family. There has been a lot going on in the world & I’m just taking a step back to take care of myself and observe. I want to be able to contribute to humanity in the best way I can & I’m still learning/creating what that is. I hope you are all out there living your best life too! It’s important we stay in the know about what’s happening, but remember to take care of our own mental health too. It’s okay if you need a break from the news. You can’t help anyone if you can’t help yourself. Oh and I’ve been binging RuPaul’s Drag Race lately so I’ll just leave you with this: “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?”